03.06.03 . 12:45 p.m.
108: ignored confessions

these days its hard to find a solid balance of, anything really.

of love.

of sex.

of charity.

of individuality.

of partnership.

of solitude.

of friendship.

of every tiny minute thing that we fill up our days with.

i lose control of myself, and sink below the underbelly of the surface of it all. its beginning to bring out the side of me that i'm least happy with.

i write letters upon letters to someone & nothing. no return.

1 down, 2 to go.

i'll find your name on the back of a postcard one day and an image of you will burn into my mind and for a minute or two i'll remember the time in Georgetown when we ate at a small pizza place and you pretended to be interested.

people come & go in our lives. i shouldnt worry so much about it. a friend of mine today might not even remember my last name around this time next year. i just find it so shocking that people just come & go with no strings to follow their way.

cut. completely. no ties.

i always remember people. i remember the first time i met someone, and i remember our conversations. i remember the friends they were with. i always do.

and years after, i still wonder how they are.

i often find myself wondering if someone will ever remember the way i bite my bottom lip when im nervous or when im happy. or if they'll remember the way i smelled like tea-rose oil. or if they'll recall the way i look down and avoid eye contact when im shy. or if they'll recall the way i said "iiiither" as opposed to "eeeether"

rest assured, those of you who know me, i will definitely remember you. i'll remember the small details about your personality. i'll recall the little pieces of your life that no one else might know. i'll remember it all. the day you lost your job and how you were sad. the day your girlfriend came to visit you for the first time. the way you cried at a sad movie. the way you got depressed at the thought of the years to come. i'll remember it all.

will my trail ever be followed....


back . forth