03.08.03 . 2:57 p.m.
114: pink lace and sex

..they say love ends.

this is true.


out this morning/streaks in my hair. light & dark.

got a free conditioning treatment for getting on well with the stylist. it looks fucking amazing. as 75 dollars should make one look?

got eyebrows waxed. (im such a female?) perfect shape.

bought great shoes & pink & white lace. bought a used bag from the 30's. will wear pink lace skirt tonight with Sex Pistols shirt. fits flawlessly. bought a new shade of pink lip gloss. (summer time? = pink)


dancing. until 6 am. drinking. until 4am. smoking grass in the parking lot. 7 am. breakfast & coffee. 8am.

i will not sleep.

i cant.

this morning? i made french toast while wearing white lace undies and no shirt.

for some reason? i couldnt eat afterwards.

so after i showered & while aretha blared thru my speakers? i had nothing left to vomit. needless to say? that hurt quite a bit.

i cant believe my stomach feels as weak as it does. but - after this afternoon, i dont feel so blue.

i bought a used typewriter from ebay this morning. its baby blue and from the 50's. im about to leave now to buy some paper and string. im making a poetry manuscript over the next three or four weeks. i'll keep you updated on the progress.

the title? 'First Word' (i think?)

when i sat at the mall this morning, i talked with an old man on a bench by the escalators. he had messy grey hair and a crinkled jogging suit on. it was midnight blue. we talked about the 20's and how times nowadays are so different, and how the youth of america doesnt appreciate him. i told him that i did, and i hated the youth. my very own generation. his name was Paul.

talked with a guy named Josh who was playing modest mouse in the skate shop he runs. he drew me a picture of a daisy because he said i looked sad. i told him "not anymore". we played a game-he played six songs back to back. since i called out modest mouse when i first walked in - he wanted to see what else i knew. i guessed five out of the six. he bought me an ice cream and introduced me to his boyfriend.

i feel inspired to apologize to you for my rash behaviour.

but they say love ends.

and this is true.

so why bother.

today? beautiful.

tomorrow? even better.

i'll listen to opera and billie holiday on vinyl in the morning when i get home and i wont even remember why i was so upset in the first place.

i'll be clean - no thanks to a natural detox - because a detox? that was me on my knees last night and this morning getting rid of the feeling.

from now on? i'll just cut back on the soda. because im to strong to feel so small.


[music: sunny day real estate :song about an angel:]

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