the below is an old letter i wrote to a friend well over two years ago.

he sent it to me today because he came across it.

one word: GROSS!

.

"A close friend of mine has just informed me that he regularly "trims" his... private area. Just a bit of information he thought I'd need to get through my day, I suppose. And, while I am oddly flattered that he thinks me such a great confidante, I find myself wanting to vomit and cower in a corner until the bad man has gone. Don't get me wrong - I really don't care how he styles his pubes, whether it be a simple trim or a shampoo and blow-dry, but honestly!

I . don't . need . to . hear . about . it!!

I tried to be nice. I even tried not to be horrified as mental picture upon

mental picture of him sitting naked on a dirty toilet seat doing his

"business" beat upon sanity. Instead of screaming "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! JESUS

HATES YOU!", I replied with short ambiguously sarcastic answers like

"niiiiiicee" and "oh yeah?". I sat with clenched teeth as he described his

procedure - or at least the benefits of - in minute detail. Too hear him talk about it - or type as the case may be - you�d think he was advocating some

great Zen-like experience.

Try it, kids! And if not completely satisfied, please return your trimmings to the address below for a full refund. No questions asked.

Why am I cursed with so many corrupt and misguided friends?

Too tired and disturbed to write anything more today. I think I'm going to go to bed and try to salvage what's left of my sanity. Hopefully, by tomorrow morning, I'll be fully recovered.

In the meantime, please pray for my soul. Just in case.

T. "