headache. severe. cant focus. cant type clearly or steadily. hands are too shaky.

.

my hand smells like the stuff i had to use for my piercings. that lubrication/medication. its from the soap i washed my hands with today at lunch. it makes my stomach turn.

.

my ears are ringing. more like screams.

.

i need something to soothe me today. something soft. something gentle. something peaceful.

.

im sick of spies. i feel like im being watched. go away. theres nothing here for you anymore. leave me alone. just let me be.

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im in a terribly sad mood at the moment. im not even sure where its stemming from. where the pulse of this sadness originated. i just know its here .... beating..ticking..trembling.

.

i want to ask You the question: if i left, what would you miss the most?

but i'm to afraid that you would say "nothing".

but maybe you would say "everything".

...but the last two months have ruined me of taking risks.

x