03.12.03 . 7:50 a.m.
123: forthcoming

for a few days now? i've been sad. i think it shows in the things i've written lately.

inside of my dreams lives horror. it wakes me up in the middle of the night and i remain small and stiff underneath the covers..for fear of waking things up.

what if its around me? the hurt.

what if its not only there when i shut my eyes?

what if when im awake, it lives & breathes beside me?

what if, after everything, it never dies?

what if the memories stay etched on my headboard and i can never escape. firewood burns so easily. but your name? it never will.

its the ghost inside of my hollow body. its the voice in my ears when im crying at night.

its the echo in the hallway when i run fast out of the bedroom.

its everything that i dont want.

its everything i wish i had.

its a complete contradiction to things i know.

i am a heavy story waiting for the end...because im tired of writing lines to speak my mind and im dizzy with the ideas that wont come.

every night...i grow more & more distant from reality..placing myself in the lives of other human beings - someplace to take me away from Me.


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