04.26.03 . 1:05 p.m.
279: note to self: prepare for the end

(i must learn to stop falling in love with everything - down to the way bob dylan sings "and all i really wanna doooooo....." or the way lightfallsup (robert) writes things in my guestbook, or the way stargazer lilies look in spring time, or the way that i can drown people out by just thinking louder than usual, or the way people fumble with pages when theyre nervous, or the way that people hold their eyes towards the ground when you pass them in hallways.

i must learn to stop falling in love with the way that my neighbor ALWAYS takes my parking spot!, and the way that the laundry room is always empty and quiet, or the way you can hear every click-clack of noises in the office on saturdays, or the way my typewriter ribbons always last me a matter of days, instead of months like most.

i really must learn to stop paying attention, because every day, my heart breaks a little more.


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