There will be an end to all of this soon.

Whether there is a defining moment, who can say for sure.

.

Why do any of us bother?

What do we get from this?

I gain more from the motion of the second hand on the clock.

That winding down of time.

I dont mind watching the hours pass & move slowly in front of me.

I'll continue chasing ... one step behind, trying to catch up with where I think I should really be.

I'll move faster in the morning, but the afternoon finds me slowing down, and in the evening, I am sluggish and barely moving at all.

It's how it always goes.

How it will always be.

We will always fight this war.

This battle of time vs. choice

This battle of choice vs. chance

This battle of chance vs. life

.

Life.

It is here.

With me now.

With me every second.

Of every minute.

And I am helpless to change any of it at all.

Life = bills = rent = groceries = car payments = insurance = love = hate = fighting = making up = sleep = shower = work = = = = = = = = =

Life.

I am tired of life.

.

I am smart enough to know the difference of things

the ideas i have nesting in my brain wont let me sleep at night.

"is there another way?"

.

I am tired.

I am exhausted from the stress of things.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

i've lost my headlights

dark lets me see to much

and i'm just groping for anything to touch

am i seabird?

i have the strangest cry.

am i just drifting?

am i to far inside?

.

everything's changing

changing my mind

.

I'm going backwards

from water to wine.

.

x